How will I know if he/she is the person (I should Marry?) Hindi natin dapat ibase ang pagpili ng marriage partner sa “Kapag kasama kita, I get a warm, wonderful feeling and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let’s get married.” You see, feelings have no logic on their own. Sympre they need to be acknowledged, pero ang feelings they need considerable assistance from your brain din. Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. Rest of your life, meaning, as you have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person. Kaya naman you should be ready to share your life with this person. Think about this: This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children. Kaya you need to choose wisely, and ang decision na gagawin mo shouldn’t be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. The decisions have to be made on solid considerations. Remember to look at the “big picture”. [b]1. Will this person be a good partner? [/b] a. Is she mature enough para i-set aside ang kanyang own selfish desires kapalit ng what is best for the family? b. Is he prepared to be a good provider? Ano ba ang employment track record nya? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it? [b] 2. How does this person feel about love, commitment and responsibility? [/b] a. Nasasabi mo ba sa sarili mo na, “This person should be perfect if….”? Kung ganito ka ngayon or ung partner mo ay ganito sayo, a compromise needs to take place. b. Do you ask too much from this person? Does this person ask too much of you? Ang problem kase, pag in love tayo, insignificant perceived “imperfections” shouldn’t matter. Kung gusto mong baguhin ang isang tao into your “perfect mate” then just realize that change doesn’t happen overnight, and may take several years – yun ay kung mangyayari nga iyon. (Goodluck na lang). Narinig mo na ba yung, “You should love people for who they are, not what they can potentially become”? [b]3. Mahal nya ba ang family nya? Approve ka bas a family nya or vice-versa?[/b] Napaka-importante nito lalo na sa Filipino culture. Remember, these people will be your future “in-laws” na makakasama mo sa holidays, family reunions, etc. At saka, kung tingin mo he/she was raised well, may breeding ika nga, chances are, they will instill the same values in your future children. [b]4. Will this person be a good parent? [/b] a. kaya mo bang masikmura ang mga magiging anak mo turning out exactly like this person? Maniwala ka sakin, they will be. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents’ character traits. Kaya kung ako sayo, pagaralan mo na ang mga ugali at karakter ng partner mo dahil you will be seeing them again in your children. b. Kung sakaling mauna kang tawagin ni Lord, mapagkakatiwalaan mo ba ang taong ito with the task of raising and forming your children? Its not a pleasant thought, pero it is an important consideration. Hindi lahat binbigyan ni Lord ng chance na mamatay sa ripe old age na merong great grandchildren na nakapaligid sa kanya wishing her “maligayang paglalakbay”. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent. Kung palagay mo, you need to be around to correct or lessen this person’s influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person. [b]5. Does this person you are marrying has sexual self-control? [/b] Problema sa mga kabataan ngayon, sometimes (or madalas) they have this idea na marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and as long as they have each other, din a sila mate-tempt na tumingin sa iba. Wrong! Maraming times sa buhay may-asawa ay sexually unavailable ang isa dahil may sakit, last months of pregnancy o kaya umalis. May mga times naman na magkagalit o kaya eh napupuno na sila sa isa’t isa. Samga ganitong pagkakataon, parang mas kaakit-akit ang ibang tao. That can be dangerous, kase maraming very attractive people sa tabi-tabi who are willing to make themselves available kahit sa mga may asawa na. a. Gusto mo ba ng tao na, who has never said “NO” to sex? Well, kung he is not good at saying “no” at eighteen, wala rin pagkakaiba at 40. b. Do you want to worry about whether or not your spouse is being faithful? These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT MARRY THIS PERSON. Remember, people are not “security blankets”. Kilalanin mo muna ang sarili mo and know what you want – kase kapag na-figure out mo ito later, sobrang later as in after you are married with kids na, you’ll have a whole lot of issues to deal with besides their character, personality and physical flaws. Pero syempre, di ko naman sinasabing feelings play no role at all in marriage decisions. You don’t have to say to yourself, “well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don’t particularly like you, I guess I’ll marry you”. Mali rin naman yun. Syempre you need to be happy and excited about the idea of spending your life with someone. Your brain however, must acknowledge this person as a good catch. You both will “know” when you both feel lucky and thank God every day for each other. Don’t listen to your heart alone or your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.