Updated with new jokes every 24 hours. [b]If there's already existing thread like this; lock this one mercilessly.[/b] Day 1 ---------------------------- A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, "What'll you have?" The duck says, "Got any pickles?" The bartender spits and says "We don't have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!" The duck hops off the stool and waddles out. The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any pickles?" The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!" The duck hops off the stool and waddles out. The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: "Got any pickles?" The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. "I told you two times we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!" With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out. The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: "Got any nails?" The bartender, puzzled, said "No." The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any pickles?" =========== Johnny stays at mike's apartment after drinking from a bar upon entering at mike's room he sees a large gong resting beside a wall right away and asks mike, "Hey, mike what's that gong for?" Mike replied, "it's a talking clock" Then mike decides to hit the gong forcefully and an ear-shattering sound is followed and suddenly from the other side of the wall a man shouted "FOR GOD'S SAKES! IT'S 3'O CLOCK IN A GODDAMN MORNING!!" ============ A couple of drinkin' buddies, who are airplane mechanics, are in the hangar at Logan; it's fogged in and they have nothing to do. One of them says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?" The other one says, "Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, and that it will kinda give you a buzz." So they drink it, get smashed and have a great time; like only drinkin' buddies can do. The following morning, one of them gets up and is surprised he feels good, in fact, he feels great - NO hangover! The phone rings, it's his buddy. The buddy says, "Hey, how do you feel?" He said, "I feel great!!", and the buddy says, "I feel great too!! You don't have a hangover?" and he says, "No -that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover - we ought to do this more often." "Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing....." "What's that?" "Did you fart yet?" "No" "Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Alaska!" ======== | ======= Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. But what does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Last edited by Serados (2010-07-05 13:30:17)