I confess;; - I know i`m hurting someone. ))= But I just can`t do something for it. :\ I feel so depressed about it. I don`t know why it have to happen when we`ve met just. ugh. .___. I really want to scream at the top of my lungs on the highest part of a mountain just like what i`ve done when me and my cousin went up to my grandmother`s mountain lot. (she owned a mountain. seriously) Then after that shout, I would be okay. But living in a crowded place, no privacy in many things, people at school hate you. I would rater take up home-schooling than go to school when no one is your friend. :\ I really want to burst these tears out but then, mom always tells me.. "They are not the only friends you`ll meet. You still have many years to live on." But what if, I die while typing these confession? What if there`s a fire beside our neighbor`s house. I just don`t know where to get the strength to stay still on Earth without friends. :\ I have friends but it`s all in social networks. :-| If only they`re going to school with me. If only in just one call or even a text message, they would appear by my side. And when my enemies team up, they`ll give their hand to help me `cause i`m down. :\ I feel so worthless in going to school. Surviving 10 hours in school in 10 months. Subtract the weekends and holidays. And the time i`m not yet at school. :\ I only feel i`m okay when i`m in home & at the service. That`s the only time wherein I can express my self. :\ If i`m at school, I always wear this mask that I really have to pretend to be their friend. They just can`t accept the fact that I act like this. My attitude is not the problem. It`s theirs. Ugh. .____. - I am so loaded with problems. Friends, my younger brother and this.. Ugh. I wish I would overcome it right away. I really hate it. I really hate this stupid life. I tried everything to end up my life but nothing in those plans worked out to kill me. :\ Maybe it`s not time. Maybe i`ll die on an accident. Ugh. .____. Why do I keep on confessing about death. :\ I really hate it. It`s because of these problems. I tried to change but then, it`s not enough. :\ I really want to be alone these times. I want some fresh air or even.. go up in college wherein i`m so independent to go anywhere, do anything :\ - I confess lastly, I maybe using the smiley " " again and again in the Cbox. Or even " : ))) " and " = )))))" in my texts messages. Yes, i`m happy at those times but then, when everyone is gone, I mean. Everything lasted, no one texting me. No ones... Okay, I feel alone. Problems go arround me then I feel so ugh already. :\ I don`t know what to do anymore. I tried eating and eating but in eating I always think of problems. :\ I tried thinking about something else, after my thoughts, there goes the problems again.. These problems are stalking me. FML. :\ For short, my confession is that: I`m having trouble in surviving school life because of my friends. :\

Last edited by xstel (2010-06-20 01:40:09)