september 19, 2008 thurs. dear teddy bear, [spoiler]things just get wrong now, and i wanna tell that... i surrender in the game of luv yeh, fetching her up, makes me like a baby. i didn't expect that thing... though it's really my fault. she acts like a stupid fugly girl infront of me. I'm very happy even im crying to death because of what i saw. she is really special than me, and i think im ryt. he doesn't need me... and im ryt 2 avoid him. but what i dun understand is, why is he needed to hurt himself? i feel guilty on what im doing to him coz he feel he's the wrong one, but in fact im the wrong. and now things spilled up becoz of me. i dun want to say a little word abt my feelings. i hate him but i still luv him, and that makes me feel uneasy the sad part is, my friend told me that maybe we are M.U so he hurts himself, as i hurt myself too. very messy, noh! but i dunno... i dunno why his hurting himself too much. did he know that i feel much hurt when he's hurting himself? did he know im crying rivers of tears becoz of him? that he makes me feel bad becoz of the girl whom he fetch??? did he know that i feel much hurt than him coz my heart is still breaking apart becoz of him? did he know that?!!! i just wanna cry now. im very confused, and i need a hanky now coz my tears are kept rolling on my cheeks... and i dunno what i can do wid this. hope this sadness and pain end soon. coz i can't handle myself anymore in this game. [/spoiler]