i confess i got my heart bleeds once again. this was the fourth time i chose to court a girl whose obviously not gonna fall for me, but still i tried if we can make things go better. but it seems my luck is not favorable and i didn't get what i want nor the things should work to its way. i became obsessed with emotional acoustic songs because of her. starting to have an eating disorder and start playing razor blades. i love the pain it gives to me. i cried all night just like a child who didn't get a lollipop. do u understand the pain i am feeling? i spent my Christmas on my uncle's house in manila alone. my mom got a phone call and told me that i should watch my money so with my dad. i am happy for them because they celebrate the holidays with their own families. while me there son, spending the holidays alone. i confess i am such a failure, i am predicting that i would not graduate this march and i have the awful voice to our music class. i am such a failure. i have seen my first love again and the flash back of the past rewinds on my mind, the days which i courted her foolishly and now i love her for real she is now with my best friend. see how pathetic love is. i confess that i almost fully consumed the bottle of wine which i brought at mall of asia last sunday and taking it back here in our place (surigao) for i saw my first love with his new love happy and i saw myself in the mirror alone and frustrated. i lited the sparkler last night and just like a child i shout with joy and screamed tears with her name. i confess i text charlene last night to have some cheers for me, she cheers me up very well then i go to sleep. when i woke up this morning she called me through my cellular phone (my first love) and she said she saw me drunk last night, and i laugh. the past suddenly rewinds one by one. i am such a failure >.<